Emotional Bondage

Emotional bondage is the bane of our existence. Most of the time we succumb to the ties that bind us painfully to our own pre-conceived notions of obligation. I clearly remember a time when this happened to me with my parents. I was given the drill of how much they did for me, how much they loved me, blah blah. I was 22, a year out of college and wanted to pursue higher education. They had alternate plans – a walk down the aisle. They nagged and threw in emotional blackmail until I gave in to guilt. My question was "Why put me through 15 years of education, to waste it on marriage?" I'm not against marriage. I just wanted to be able to be in a position where I could support myself if I was ever in a situation where I had no one else to rely on. Where does that leave me today?

The onus of being someone's son or daughter is too heavy a load to bear at times. Parents are unreasonable when they hold us hostage to obligations. My argument (as much as I hate to say it), is that, we didn't ask you to do all that. We're grateful. Yes. But it's part of being a parent. Sounds callous? Well, you don't have to agree with me – this is my opinion. It doesn't make me love them any less; I just see things from a different perspective. Parents' role is to be there unconditionally. Sure, children take it for granted – but wouldn't you do the same for your kids? Children will never fully appreciate the hardships that parents endure. That's life – face it. I'm digressing now. Back to emotional blackmail – bottom line – I don't think it's reasonable to subject your offspring to this.

A friend is someone who you can rely on, someone to trust, someone who supports and sympathizes with you. So when a friend helps you out, will you be eternally indebted because he / she was there for you? Over the years I've had friends who have bailed me out of trouble, who've lent me a shoulder to cry on, loaned me money, dropped everything for me – I love them all deeply for going above and beyond to be there for me. But I can't use one incident to be everlastingly ingratiated for that. If any one of them had to hold it over my head, they really wouldn't be a friend, and I would surely lose respect for them for having said it in so many words. As someone else's friend, I too have helped out friends in need – yet, I would never expect them to be forever indebted to me.

I would surely hate to be in fetters over something as trivial as a favor rendered in a time of need. It would eat me up inside. I would however, be thankful for having such a wonderful friend or parent who did what they did. In that lies the truth that its true love, that I'm special, for neither has a hold over the other for the support extended as expected from one so dear.

My philosophy is that every relationship has its canons. There's a portion in which you take people for granted; for if you can't rely on them, then they're not really that special. I try not to hold grudges (emphasis is on try, I'm human after all J), or debts. They corrode the soul for the weight they hold.

Life has given us the gift of loving – so love unconditionally, no strings attached. In freedom lies happiness.