Monday, November 3, 2008


It’s terrifying sometimes how unknowingly terror strikes soul. It’s somehow worse when the panic stems from something that you don’t fully understand. It's hard to understand others as individuals. I wonder if we, as human beings, are just prone to react in anger when things don’t go our way, or if others don’t think on the same lines as we do, or if it is just a personality trait.

I know that I get angry or sullen if my way isn't considered. I get mad if my plans fail. I rage within at the unfairness of it all.

I write when I’m angry or sad. I find release as words take shape reflecting the intensity of my feelings. I’m not always upfront in my writing; things put on paper can be easily misconstrued. The pessimism residing within, the frustrating twists and turns in my head come spiraling out in a mountain of lexis. There is a lot to read between the lines, if only there would be one who could truly get me, and not away from what it is.

We have our ways of venting out and I wonder if there is indeed ‘the best way’. I admire those who can go through life so effortlessly; they glide into days and situations, maintain composure and it seems like nothing can rattle them. Are these people human? Or divine?

Have they evolved so much that negative emotions no longer reside within them? If yes, then I want to know how to get there.

Something happened to me a few years back – I feel that I got lost somewhere, somehow. Now I feel like reconnecting to a part of what I was before, but so many changes have occurred that I guess I just have to move on and past all that.

Sometimes I find myself wistfully hoping that I could summon those days of bliss back. If I hope strongly enough will it come back to me?

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