Thursday, July 10, 2008

The beginning of the end

Although being out was a good thing, an overwhelming sense of loss is predominant. I know why it is so and there is absolutely nothing more I can try to do to make me feel better. If I was inclined to believe in signs, I got one loud and clear as I was sitting down with the crossword this morning. The words leaped out to me – “Getting on” – letting go, moving on, over the hill… I am no longer frustrated or even resentful. Sad, yeah – the beginning of the end is always painful, I guess. I need to get a move on life; reach a place where I know I’m really wanted, even needed – and if I go further into the actual defining of my true desires, I’d say that I want to be desired, craved, yearned and loved.

I know I was hopeful (not expectant) that somehow this week I would get what I sought. 3 days into it and I realize that how much ever you long for something, if it’s not there, it’s not going to materialize out of nowhere. Therefore, I am clinging and slipping and I have tears in my eyes as I see with 100% clarity that I was building castles in the air. Even as I tried laying the foundation below to keep them there, two hands are required to mould it. I need another and there is no one around to help me build the dream.
Sometimes I wonder if I should keep trying? What is the point of trying if you know for certain the outcome is negative? I rest my case.

I have a vision and I know that I will get it. I guess there is no path laid on a bed of roses. If there is one, the thorns are obviously there. Who doesn’t have their share of pain? Even the happiest people have their bouts of downs. The degree may vary among people. I think ‘The Secret’ will help me get the power that I seek, the vision that I see, the love that I deserve and the life that I desire.

There is light at the end of the tunnel :-)

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