I have so many thoughts that flit across my mind as I am driving, lying in bed, sitting at work … anywhere. I am sure everyone does.
I miss having someone to share my thoughts. It is not as if I do not or cannot talk to friends, I do, and it is just not the same. When discussing with a partner both kind of work towards a common goal with all conversations. When talking to a friend you get a different perspective.
Sigh! Anyway, life has other things to replace this needless yearning. The mail I sent out this morning about how a dog can give you just about anything you want… I was grinning ear to ear when I saw the end of it. Brilliant way to compare a man with an ungrateful cat. Whew! I was dying to get one dig at men. Love them, hate them – the line is too thin.
I went into a series of ‘I want’ with someone and I got a lash back of ‘if you want … then go and get it’. Of course, it is easier said than done. Don’t we all want good things in our lives – not necessarily material asset but nice feelings, emotions, assurances etc.? So naturally, I too have wants and want those fulfilled. I guess at some point in time down the line I will compromise on some of them for good reasons, but never again will I compromise my priorities. The order may change, but the values will stay put.
In the heat of the moment, I know that a special person once said ‘Fine. I’m going to mend my ways.’ I ponder on this even today thought I know the time is lost. I wonder if people can really change? If I had given in to that and taken the chance yet again (for how many times had he already said or implied that!!!), wouldn’t he have resented me at every step? Would he not have brought up his big sacrifice at every fight and thrown it in my face to make me feel guilt? More than anything, would he have done it at all? After all, he failed doing so before.
Still, I look at so many people I know and see how much they have changed over time. People have made compromised for love, friendship, for themselves and they seem happy. Lifestyle changes, probably the hardest have taken over some couples I know who have made a wonderful success of their relationship. I wonder then, why I fail to find someone willing to bend backwards for a relationship with me. I would do that for one.
Somehow, I have only encountered utter selfishness in the men that I have come across. (Another stab :-( ) Obviously, I am making an overly dramatic statement here. I have faced lies, deceit, and mistrust. Openness has always been evasive. I wonder what it is about me that make them so? Of course, I am naturally suspicious of men – I think most are always hiding something, a call, a letter, an sms, a date – something. I have always encountered this feeling of mistrust despite my honesty. Not fair. Sulk and more sulking. :-(
Back to the topic of changing – I think it is possible, but only if the person really wants to within himself or herself. I remember that I did - for those that I loved, and though I was disappointed with the outcome, I cannot say I regret it. After all, I did it for a decent cause.
I miss having someone to share my thoughts. It is not as if I do not or cannot talk to friends, I do, and it is just not the same. When discussing with a partner both kind of work towards a common goal with all conversations. When talking to a friend you get a different perspective.
Sigh! Anyway, life has other things to replace this needless yearning. The mail I sent out this morning about how a dog can give you just about anything you want… I was grinning ear to ear when I saw the end of it. Brilliant way to compare a man with an ungrateful cat. Whew! I was dying to get one dig at men. Love them, hate them – the line is too thin.
I went into a series of ‘I want’ with someone and I got a lash back of ‘if you want … then go and get it’. Of course, it is easier said than done. Don’t we all want good things in our lives – not necessarily material asset but nice feelings, emotions, assurances etc.? So naturally, I too have wants and want those fulfilled. I guess at some point in time down the line I will compromise on some of them for good reasons, but never again will I compromise my priorities. The order may change, but the values will stay put.
In the heat of the moment, I know that a special person once said ‘Fine. I’m going to mend my ways.’ I ponder on this even today thought I know the time is lost. I wonder if people can really change? If I had given in to that and taken the chance yet again (for how many times had he already said or implied that!!!), wouldn’t he have resented me at every step? Would he not have brought up his big sacrifice at every fight and thrown it in my face to make me feel guilt? More than anything, would he have done it at all? After all, he failed doing so before.
Still, I look at so many people I know and see how much they have changed over time. People have made compromised for love, friendship, for themselves and they seem happy. Lifestyle changes, probably the hardest have taken over some couples I know who have made a wonderful success of their relationship. I wonder then, why I fail to find someone willing to bend backwards for a relationship with me. I would do that for one.
Somehow, I have only encountered utter selfishness in the men that I have come across. (Another stab :-( ) Obviously, I am making an overly dramatic statement here. I have faced lies, deceit, and mistrust. Openness has always been evasive. I wonder what it is about me that make them so? Of course, I am naturally suspicious of men – I think most are always hiding something, a call, a letter, an sms, a date – something. I have always encountered this feeling of mistrust despite my honesty. Not fair. Sulk and more sulking. :-(
Back to the topic of changing – I think it is possible, but only if the person really wants to within himself or herself. I remember that I did - for those that I loved, and though I was disappointed with the outcome, I cannot say I regret it. After all, I did it for a decent cause.
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