Monday, July 14, 2008

Decision reflections

As dusk falls and the light fades just beyond the curtains, an overwhelming sense of sadness descended around me. I wonder yet again, why I did what I did. I could have just let things be. I wanted to retract what I did, but when I looked at the reasons, I know I made the right decisions.

Solitude is a wonderful feeling sometimes. As long as it does not fester into loneliness, it is soul-searching and refreshing journey. I analyzed the person that I have become and evaluated the instances and incidences that have been focal points in making me what I am. There are some things that I love about myself (obviously, duh!), and others that I want to change / mould.

The resentment had built up too much for me to let bygones be. I regret mixing people. I wish I could undo that one thing because I am so uncomfortable about the situation I created and upset that it matters so little that I have this uneasiness. If I had seen an action towards easing this aspect of my feeling, I know I would have prolonged what I did. Now it is clear that I did the right thing because I really did not matter that much. L

Evasion is not always the best solution, but honestly, I think it has worked wonders with me many times, at least with the people who are anyway at arm’s distance. I would obviously prefer confrontation but it does not always serve the purpose.

I do not know what to do now. Avoid? Yes. But for how long, and how? I know why some people are not happy, and I can really understand one part of it.

I wish things had been different. I wish there was a chance. If wishes were horses beggars would ride, eh? I wish I were important.

No comments: