I was watching ‘The Holiday’ last night and cursed myself for doing so. Watching romances is like rubbing salt in an open would – they just serve as vivid reminders that my life is so stark and empty in that department :`(.
At the beginning there’s a dialogue about the days of being in love being dark because of being in love with a man who does not and will not love her back.
I googled the following a little while ago simply because I really like Kate Winslet’s dialogue:
“Turned out that he wasn’t in love with me like I thought. What I’m trying to say is, I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. It doesn’t matter how many hair cuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of champagne you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong and how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think you were even happy. And sometimes in that brief moment you even convince yourself that he'd see the light and show up at your door. And after all that however long that may be you go somewhere new and you meet people who'll make you feel worthwhile again. Little pieces of your soul will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff - those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
Gosh – that was said with so much passion that my eyes misted over. Seems like anything can make me cry now!!! I could feel every little bit of that dialogue because I’ve been there. I’ve felt so small, so insignificant and so hurt. I’ve waited for moments of light shining through, for one phone call, for a surprise visit. I’ve longed to be the only one who mattered, just for that day. Sigh!!! Then comes a call, and then a meeting, and then you’re back to square one again. Don’t life’s lessons well learned not make a difference to me? Am I so pathetic as to believe that this one would be different? Am I so naïve as to wish for a perfect end?
The end of the movie was perfect. Feels good to think that you end up together anyway. I shut down for the night, tucking into 3 books and couldn’t fall asleep. I think something wonderful came through for a short while and then I felt confused about myself all over again. The vicious circle never ceases to stop its churning path.