Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Understanding yourself

My drive to office culminated with a realization that I know myself less than I like. I want to know ‘me’ more and make the changes where it matters. I’m extremely possessive about the people I genuinely care about. I don’t like sharing. Even being a part of a large group, I realize that I have an individual relationship with most members of the group that is outside of the group as a whole. This is what I like and if I don’t have that, then it does not mean much to me. The whole group hang-out is enjoyable as long as you don’t forget the individuals’ existence.

I know why my mind plays around group dynamics so much. It still hurts to be side-lined for people who you barely know. It aches to think that the time and effort you devoted to people wasn’t taken for its essence but instead for its delivery. If I go back to ‘The Secret’, I have to stop focusing on the things that shouldn’t matter to me – erase the negativity – and focus on what I want. I want ..... Will I get …..? Then again, only on certain terms, and I know that won’t happen, so back to the beginning of time, expunge the past and focus on the future. Good times lie ahead, girl. Go get em!

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