Tuesday, July 8, 2008


How many of you believe that the sole purpose of our lives on this earth is procreation? To a certain extent, I think it is a reasonable conclusion we can come to. Why are our lives so complicated that the making of a baby is subject to moral, social, physiological and psychological issues. I wanted to have children all my life and here I am, at almost 32, reasonably healthy and yet unable to produce an offspring. It really is sad – at least I feel sorry for myself (yeah, yeah, there I go again into the self-pity mode).

Since I have progressed so far and have a long lonely trudge up further, I feel that everything in life revolves around sex in some form or the other. Intimacy, love, the physical act – the relationship – it is all about just getting there and feeling good. Look deep into history and see how men waged wars over this. Look inside you and see what is missing, or what is fulfilled, and you will find the deepest satisfaction in that it is true. I am probably not qualified to talk on this subject given my wretched track record. On the other hand, perhaps, I am a more capable considering that I lack the total fulfillment and know what I feel the lack of.

Hypocrisy is common among people. I think I could be one too, maybe I just do not realize that. I try not to be a hypocrite, because I would rather be straight than twisted. I see this happen mostly with men. I swear, I am not so much of a feminist. Just because I support women does not necessarily make me anti-men. I love men. I really do. I just do not love all of them. If a man is possessive, we women are supposed to understand it and cater to his needs, if a woman is the same, she is just being a bitch. Which woman would like to see her man ogle over others? If the same equation is applied to the woman, can you imagine his reaction? How do you justify when the man refuses to meet or allow his woman to meet her male friends, but expects her to accept his female friends? How do you define trust? How do you know you can trust someone? I guess it is something you just feel, and know. The security, the warmth and tenderness that the other gives you builds up the trust between each other. When people hide things, avoid answering questions, behave evasively or even deliberately hold things back, it certainly does not generate a comfort factor. I guess this is what makes me feel uncomfortable about stuff. I can be as open and clear with every issue pertaining to me because I believe in that. The lack in reciprocation just adds to the frustration.

How does a man rationalize his open flirtations with her female friends and his, but his antagonistic attitude of her male friends? To be honest, I am not being entirely fair by applying this to all men, but at least in India, and especially where I come from, I see this happen so often. I see women lose their identity when taken for granted so often that at the end of it all, there is no place for happiness, love or trust. I see the men around as such baseless hypocrites; it disgusts me.

I do not think I am confused anymore. I think my mind has been clearing up and so many things that seemed blurry before are now in plain sight. “The Secret” is a revelation. Well, not exactly one, but more of a reminder of what you already know.

I know what I want and I am working towards it. I am just fumbling since I do not know how to get what I want.

“Never let someone be your priority while you are just their option”
“Never let the hand you hold, hold you down”

Two profound statements – both so true. It would be wise indeed to keep this in mind.

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