Wednesday, July 2, 2008


I love my morning conversations with Pra. It stimulates me to think about different things, unconnected and then hook the pieces up into this jigsaw puzzle of life; it starts coming together over days, and sometimes months. Remembered tête-à-têtes, anecdotes from memory and silly messenger chitchats start making sense in a different dimension. I have been having so many lows of late that I was losing focus on the important stuff. I should remember to let people be who they are and not expect them to understand you or be with you. The ones true to you will always be by your side and in your heart. You cannot force love out of someone. It just happens; something from within, something that is a part of you.

I used to believe that children are a reflection of their parents. This was much before I saw the apparent differences. We are who we want to become. Circumstances occur, environmental factors play a role, genetics of course, and peer pressure too are linked to the making of an individual. On a recent visit to Nazareth, I saw my alma mater in a different light. For the first time I had people with me who mocked/teased me about the institution that played the largest role in my life. Moreover, I did feel bad about some parts of it because it just went on and on and on like a stuck record. I am not such a stuck up wuss not to take teasing. Nevertheless, beneath that I saw something else. I can just as easily tease them about their institution that they are so proud of. The same people obviously held another institution in high regard, but look what that turned them into? As proud as I am about them, I also see negatives. How would they react if I teased them about their precious school that has ooh so many grounds but blood on their hands? I see fists used instead of wits. What differentiates us from animals is our ability to reason. What differentiates us from the illiterates is our education, and yet, in life, I see them resort to violence in different forms. Sure the school gave you the courage to stand and fight, but it made you insensitive to people and blind to logic. I guess they would not take this teasing to kindly. I know, I’m just being mean because something ticked me off and I cannot put my finger on it.

I remain quiet instead. I know that for all the good that Nazareth did to us, I see the negatives too. I see how our life there did not prepare us for the real world. We came out from such sheltered existence that to date I am prudish about some things. I suffered from culture shock when I graduated 10th. I used to trust people so easily and now I do not.

Life teaches all of us little lessons. We learn as we grow. I will be damned if I view the world through cynical suspicious eyes because I’ve been burned before. Lesson learned well, but if I remain skeptical of all men, I would be admitting that those cads who gave me hell still rule a part of my life. I hope I do not allow myself to be trampled on again. I am willing to take the risk if the chance is worth the effort.

No comments: