Thursday, July 17, 2008

Sadness and suicide

I lost a friend to suicide. That was the first time I had come so close to it. A debate on the topic about the weakness of the person who commits the act brought back the memory. I don’t know whether everyone considers it at some time or the other; I know that I have. Only the person knows what he / she is going through. The degree of pain and anguish faced is relative to each individual and their pain thresholds. Who are we to comment on the actions of others when we do not understand them?

Why do people choose to end their lives? Loneliness, despair, depression, the utter feeling that nothing on this earth is worth living for – any of these could be the reason. It is sad really to think that they did not find themselves worthy enough in someone’s eyes, anyone’s eyes to feel the need to exist.

I do not agree with those who say that suicide is a sign of weak character. Although I also do not glorify it, I do not know enough to comment, and what I know gives me enough cause to empathize.

I am lucky that there are a few people I can talk to, may not many, but I am glad that I know at least one. I think we are all afraid of being alone because we want to share our lives with someone. Therefore, we look for friends, relationships, partners, acquaintances and sometimes feel reassured that you matter to them. It is devastating to find you don’t always matter.

I don’t know how to conclude this thought process. I was just sad this morning and this topic came up so I spent the drive mulling over it and feel that everything we do circles around relationships in one way or another.