Does sunshine exist?

It’s so damn easy and bloody frustrating to constantly slip into the pit of dejection. Sometimes the sun shines through the window, and as the rays of hope beckon, I find myself drawn to the light. I leap into the brightness and enjoy the warmth. I bask in its glory and then WHAM! Like a bolt of lightning I’m rudely shaken up to see the immensely pleasurable heat turn out to be a misleading notion of change.

I’m sometimes flabbergasted at myself. Am I the biggest fool on earth? Or do I have so much faith in second chances that I fool myself into believing that everything has possibility? I chew my brains out trying to figure this one out.

I’ve sworn off regretting things (well, at least 95% of it), be it mistakes, relationships, acts or words. Perhaps I should repent – but I don’t see a reason to repent the joys I’ve derived even from mistakes. There are so many wonderful things to look forward to than to lament silly gaffes.

I think about what success really means? Is it just the material acquisition or corporate ladder ascension? I suppose it symbolizes different things to different people. For me, there’s the material aspect of it as well as an emotional connection with oneself…an attainment of peace within.

Am I doing the right things? Do I have a plan for tomorrow? Or am I content with living for today only? If I don’t, at the least, glance at the horizon of tomorrow, will I be letting myself get caught in this moment and never advance?

Life should be easy. If I look more closely, it really is rather simple; yet the nitty-gritty routines create a fog in the brain and befuddle the already confused mind!

Dammit - why can't the sun shine long enough for me to believe in forever?