Delete? I say, ‘Yes’. A sigh of relief escapes my lips as the contents are permanently erased. Contentment follows as I blissfully embrace the feeling of liberation that comes from removing ties to what could never be – not because it couldn’t be done, but because one person made choices that clearly stated what was valued more.
I’m sitting here on a lovely Saturday afternoon, blogging – isn’t that ridiculous. I don’t know what to do. I live alone. I am alone. I spent the better part of the day reading. As much as I love a good book, it’s hardly a substitute for good company. Yet, I don’t feel like imposing on people – whether friends or family. My sister lives up the road, but I wouldn’t feel good about hanging around for long and often – everyone needs their space – alone with their spouses.
I think about the days ahead and I know that I can live alone without too much difficulty. Boredom seldom happens to me. I keep myself busy doing something or the other. Work keeps me going – it’s the one thing that I truly love – and I’m good at it too – even if I say so myself.
My greatest fear is of getting ill as I grow older, not being able to afford treatment, or being a burden on someone. So I save for tomorrow where the nest’s egg should be sufficient to live out my days. Jeez – I sound like an old woman. Hehe.
I know I can step out now – meet up with friends, family, whatever, and yet, I just don’t feel like it. I’ll soon become a recluse at this rate. Not such a bad thing, but I know I shouldn’t drag my feet so. It’s just that I want something more. I don’t know exactly what it is. Just don’t feel complete or wholly content.