Friday, November 28, 2008

Afraid of myself?

The light of my life and I shared good moments talking about our dreams, our lives our hopes and some fears.

Honestly, I’m crazy about him, and loving every minute of it. The details, the conversations into the night, the comfort, peace and calm, passion…..gosh – it’s a whole flood of emotions that gushes forth when I think of him.

There’s a part of me that’s afraid. I’m falling in love with him at such a rapid pace; the mammoth feeling of spiraling out of control is a wee bit scary. I’m overwhelmed with myself. I haven’t met a man who’s able to evoke such depth of emotion. I pinch myself sometimes just to be sure that he isn’t a dream…and ooh, what a glorious dream it is.

What am I afraid of? Getting hurt? Losing him? The dream vanishing? Getting sucked into illusion? Or just losing my heart?

I cannot rationally explain why I trust him implicitly. Trust has no basis other than the absolute belief that he has a good heart. I believe him, believe in him. It sounds crazy that I know him for all of 3 weeks and I can blindly back him. But it isn’t blind faith; it’s an awareness of him as a human being, a conscious or sub-conscious understanding of him as an individual, respect for the man he is and the person he aspires to be, knowledge that he has the confidence to be a man, and respect for having the courage to follow his dream.

It is not about achieving your dreams but living your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you.
- Randy Pausch ( 1960-2008 )

Back to what I’m afraid of…is it myself?

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