Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Vacillation-my stubborn stance

A little introspection on why I find it so hard to say no revealed that I am a resolute vacillator. I hate controversy. I like peace. Well, at least most of the time. This stance sometimes causes internal battles, adding layers to frustration levels that have been mounting inside for years. I crib. I love cribbing. I just can’t bring myself to tell someone off for fear of hurting them. My husband will probably respond to this with this statement: Your fear is not of hurting them but being disliked. Maybe he’s right. I like to be loved by all, though I have had my fair share of arguments and confrontations that may just as easily contradict this very statement.

Sigh! I want to be firm but I’m easily swayed. Cajole me just a little more and I succumb effortlessly. Then I battle with myself: what I really want and what I say yes to.

I can’t resist sweets though I’m trying (hard) to lose weight (women’s eternal woe). I can’t say I won’t entertain at home though I’m tired sometimes and just want to sleep because I like having people over and it’s never the same ones coming again. I want to wake up early every morning yet late nights keep tripping me up.

Through it all, there is one constant-this life is truly wonderful.

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